Another Day in a Life of Going Nuts

The downside of this unusually mild and almost snowless winter that doesn't seem like winter, is that the urban wildlife is more active than it would normally be, and the rodents go out of their way to make sure I’m aware of this. 

So here’s the latest…

February 1, 2024

 

"The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men, gang aft agley.” wrote Robert Burns.

 

Believe it or not, this half-comprehensible Burns line is in a poem titled, "To A Mouse."

 

A rodent of all things. But why?

Well I never knew this line belonged to a poem until two days later when I read through the verses for the first time ever… and?

I have no idea what Burns was writing about.

 

Unfortunately that Burns line was updated and made understandable by John Steinbeck, with, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."

I think not understanding "gang aft agley" felt better than "often go awry" which I do understand.

 

After all these years I think I figured it out... there’s a difference in nuance between the best laid plans and the best plans laid, because the best laid plan may not have been the best plan to start with.

 

So why am I writing about this?

 

That Thursday afternoon I thought I heard something run across the roof, and my first thought was the denial, "It can't be."

 

Minutes later, and certain this time, I heard whatever it was run back across the roof again, "What? How? It's not possible."

 

Nonetheless, I went outside for a look at the roof from the ground, and sure enough a black squirrel was up there looking down at me. This one is grey, but it's the same headache.

You're not Cute,
You're not Funny,
And you're definitely not wanted up there or anywhere else around here.

I went back inside and asked Kie to come out for a look. She came out, saw the squirrel too, and confirmed I wasn't hallucinating. And I kinda wish I was.

My adjoining neighbour (I live in a semi-detached home) has no meaningful trees near his half of our shared building, so when I made what has now become my best laid-to-waste plan, I never considered his side might also be part of the problem. But... and I deserved to be kicked in the butt for these buts... his neighbour on the other side has a row of cedar trees nearly as tall as the cedar I had removed... but I never considered those a possible route... but obviously the squirrels did, and found the I-295 to the roof.

 

Anyway, I went over to get a close-up perspective, stood right beneath that other cedar tree, and looked up. Sure enough and worse, the upper branches of that tree are nearer to that corner of our roof in common. I hadn't expected this.

 

Complicating the situation is that my neighbour’s neighbour is an absentee owner, and that dwelling is vacant, and it’s been vacant for at least a dozen years. I have no contact information for the owner, so I have to wait until she makes one of her rare appearances and obtain permission.

 

So in the meantime…

 

I’m cursin’ from the ground, just cursin', from the ground,

Not a glorious feeling, another squirrel’s around.

It’s sitting up there, looking down at me,

I’m shaking my fist, got to cut me some tree.

 

This stanza matches that famous tune, Singin’ in the Rain, but I won’t be dancing around with an umbrella in the backyard any time soon like some kind of a… nut.

Is it any wonder that I’m feeling like Donald Duck tangling with Chip ‘n Dale in those original old Disney cartoons?

 

After all, we share the same first name... and troubles with rodents.

The Oddblock Station Agent

Days in a Life of Going Nuts

Do I hate rodents?

Does the sun rise every morning?

So now ladies and gentlemen, I shall present my case...

January 16, 2024

About 1/4^th of an inch of powder snow fell overnight, and in the morning these footprints were at and around my front door. A rat had come calling.

January 23, 2024

Another one of those overnight 1/4^th of an inch of powder snowfalls sneaked down, and in the morning these footprints were all around the house, front and back. I’m fairly certain they’re from a skunk rather than a raccoon. 

I like when these overnight 1/4^th inch dustings of snow arrive, because they’re kind of reminiscent of those days gone when the gossip pages in morning newspapers tattled on who did what the night before… in this case meaning footprints reveal whether friend or foe visited. Believe it or not, skunks fall into the friend category because they do hunt rodents. 

 

No rats, cats, foxes or coyotes visited during the night, and they’re the regulars, but squirrels had already been about before I got outside.

On the subject of squirrels, later on in the morning one of these nuisances appeared on my roof. 

Don't allow cute-looking be deceiving

At first I thought the pitter-patter was the youngster next door running around like he often does... but when the sound of little feet shifted to coming from overhead, I went to the window for a quick look. A tiny black head was peeking down over the eavestrough. 

Oh groan, not again.

 

Seconds later as I was on my way down the stairs to get outside and try to scare off the Black Plague, from another window I saw it make the jump into the cedar tree… that airborne leap must’ve been at least three feet or more from the roof to the tip of that lower branch the pest grabbed. I'm somewhat doubtful it got up on the roof using the cedar tree, so I suspect the enemy may have infiltrated via the neighbour’s walnut tree. Some branches of that tree have grown near, but quite a way above the roof. Regardless the route, squirrels were now visiting the roof.

Can bad get to worse?

 

When I got out the front door, Public Enemy Number 1 showed, up… that red squirrel in its winter coat masquerading as a grey squirrel.

 

Rightly described by others as "6 ounces of nastiness"

Public Enemy Number 1 was busy chasing two black squirrels out of the cedar tree, and when the nasty little pill came down, it raced under my car and jumped up into the engine. I went over to the car, banged on the hood, but that didn’t scare the critter out like usual. Next, I popped open the hood, and that didn’t work either. Annoyed, I started the car and drove it around the block… and while doing so, I heard some squeaks… and not from engine trouble but trouble in the engine. 

 

Instead of returning, I parked the car on a street away from my home. A few hours later I went back, started the car, and no more squeaks. Problem solved… but this thing is like the Terminator in that movie and keeps coming back.

 

Do I hate rodents?

Let me count the ways.

My neighbour feeds them,

I’m the one who pays.

 

Yes, my neighbour next door does indeed put out peanuts to feed the squirrels, and guess what?

Back in September 2022, we started having internet and phone issues worse than a child playing on and off with a light switch. For two days the cable provider kept telling us there was no problem, but reality said differently. Having one of those Charlie Brown moments and muttering “Rats”, I went outside for a look, and… 

Good grief!

Sure enough, several inches of shield and the cable too were both gnawed away, and those copper threads were barely holding. That outside shield is tough, can’t be cut with a knife, and difficult to cut with shears. Curious as two why a rat would chew this down, I soon found out why. A squirrel had hidden an unshelled peanut down the tube.

And if that wasn't aggravation enough, discovered only last October was this un-commissioned work of modern art...

That was the air filter from my car, destroyed by a rodent of course, and most likely the work of Public Enemy Number 1 which I chased out of the car's engine several times prior. Replacing the filter plus the other repairs needed in my vehicle cost me over $300.00, and not including the air conditioning because that repair job can wait until spring.

Enough of Browning’s suggestion of recounting the ways of rodents.

 

I hired a tree removal service to take down the old cedar tree nearest the house, and also to prune back branches of the neighbour’s walnut tree that are overhanging my house.

January 25, 2024

 

The tree removal service arrived early at 8:10, and the two guys began setting up right away to remove the cedar tree. Within minutes of starting, this guy had just about finished limbing the trunk and was about to cut off the crown. In case one might be curious, I took this through an upstairs window from the safety of being inside.

Gone in 20 minutes was about 35 feet of cedar tree that had taken 50 or more years to grow to that height.

 

I was sad to see the tree gone, but this wasn’t the first time it served like an I-95 highway for roof-bound rodents. The tree originally had two trunks, and the other was nearer the house. 15 or 16 years ago we came home from a week away only to discover squatters of this kind had moved into the attic. They’d gnawed holes through the corners of the eaves. How thoughtful.

 

The next morning when I was certain the varmints had gone out for the day, I cut down that half of the tree. It was smaller and thinner then, and I was younger too. For a week one of those evicted squirrels kept climbing the bricked sides of the house to get back up, but was foiled by the vinyl siding… and so in reference to Regis, that was my vinyl answer.

 

Those clusters of cedar cones that appear in autumn are a major food source for red squirrels, thus the other reason I chose total tree removal. Public Enemy Number 1 would sit in the tree for hours eating the seeds and dropping hundreds, maybe thousands of tiny cone scales on the driveway, or covering the car when I’d forget not to park under the tree.

About 30 minutes later… 

 

Out on a limb on the walnut tree, and this guy was way out from the trunk as well as way, way up. Much like a squirrel, he went from branch to branch and removed every branch and twig in the upper reaches of the tree overhanging the roof and driveway. All the larger cuttings were tied and lowered rather than allowed to freefall; a sensible way to avoid an accident or prevent damage.

No one could ever convince me to try this

Have you ever experienced what it’s like to almost drift off to sleep only to be jolted awake by a large bang on the roof? If you haven’t, then you haven’t missed out on anything.

 

Come next October, I won’t be hearing those nocturnal random bangs on the roof made by falling walnuts. Yeah… I know... I’m counting my chickens… but I keep coming up with zero because I don’t have any.

 

By 10:15 these guys had finished, cleaned up and were gone.

 

While there wasn’t enough walnut cuttings worth keeping, I did ask for firewood lengths of most of the cedar’s trunk, which those two guys moved and piled nicely in the back.

 

Thus ends my latest rodent saga, and at least this one didn’t involve nuts if I leave myself out.

The Oddblock Station Agent